My destination: My Journey

Date : 20.07.2010  Time : about 09:30 in the morning   Place: Bhopal…..

The C.A. (Chartered Accountancy) result is to be declared today. I could not sleep a wink last night, tossing, turning I kept thinking just one thing that “..this is the last group of C.A…….. if I clear it toady I’ll become a C.A. Despite an exemption in the subject of Financial Management, I had only tasted failure the last three times. That’s why this time I was really nervous because if I fail yet again even that exemption will expire.”

It was morning, eyes were wide open but I was still very reluctant to get up from the bed. There was a slight drizzle outside, the birds were chirping merrily and the tempting fragrance of damp earth were making it a very pleasant weather.

Lying on the bed I was still with my thoughts of the exam result when a voice burst the bubble of my thoughts “Will you get up or keep on sleeping? Don’t you have to go to the office today? Lying there like a lazy bum…..” My mother! Lazily I murmured, “Yeah Ma. All right. Just a little bit longer. I’ll be up soon.” “Get up now.” “All right. …am getting up..”

Mother would often scream at me. I could never keep her happy. But this was her concern for me. The truth is that it is all because of her love that I am where I am today.

My mind was very restless. Just then the mobile chimed. Trnnn…..trnnn…trnn… Rubbing my eyes, stifling my yawn I glanced at the caller’s name on the mobile screen…Mr. S.S.Tomar. Tomar was my friend and till date we had together cleared each class of CA and thus, like me, it was the last group for him too. I picked up the phone, “Hello!” Tomar’s voice from the other end said, “Yeah, Mukesh! The result is out, buddy. I couldn’t make it. Give me your roll number, let me see….!” Suddenly my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth. Tomar’s voice again, “Are you sleeping? Give me your roll number, man.” Getting a hold on myself I said, “Sorry, dude. You could not pass….” His voice replied, “So what’s new? I have become used to the word ‘Fail’. Ever since I lost my heart to ICAI, it simply keeps breaking into pieces….it is just like that high handed lover who pleases less and hurts more. God knows what she wants!! When I had joined the course, I was young but now I am a senior citizen!” “Then Tomarji, you must get the benefit of the Senior Citizen tax slab in Income tax.” Although sad, yet he laughed. I could hear his loud laughter over the phone. Even I laughed.

Sobering up I sighed, “Man, this is not fair. You were sure to clear.” “Oh! Mukesh! The ledger that ICAI has prepared for me has lesser credit of happiness and greater debt of sadness. So the net balance would be unhappiness. Come on, let it be….give your roll number …! I gave and asked him to let me know of my fate.

I kept waiting for his call. About two hours went by …my heart accepted that may be I flunked again. I became all the more sad because now with the exemption expiring how was I to study everything all over again? I could feel tears rolling down. Keeping a check on my emotions I decided to go to office. Doing some work would help me feel better and getting busy with work will take my mind off my worries.

“These studies have ruined everything. Had I become CA at the right time may be Archana would have not left me. For past 8 – 10 years I had celebrated neither Holi nor Diwali, nor had visited relatives on any occasion …. Infact had failed to visit even Nani, who had brought me up in my childhood, as she lay very sick in her last days. She had asked about me many  a times but I could not go because of my exams….” Thinking all this I kept cursing ICAI to my heart’s full. In my mind I said, “What more can I do? It has taken away everything dear to me! What else do I have to give? Whoever I loved has left me….I’ve nothing left with me now!!”

Eventually telling mother that I was going to the office, I left. Went to a temple en route, had a heated argument with God and then reached the office. Wiping my tears started doing my client’s work and kept telling myself to calm down and accept that maybe I did not try hard enough.

Slowly the staff started pouring in the office. At about quarter to twelve Madamji arrived and questioned, “What happened, Mukesh? Failed again?” In a weeping voice I said, “My friend had called ….he told me that he had not made it ….he has taken my roll number…. has not yet called back…! “ Maya Madam tried to calm me down saying that it was all right and I shouldn’t worry so much. “But Maya Madamji, my exemption too has expired! My despondency refused to decrease. “Come on, don’t be sad”, said everybody before they returned to their work.

At about half past twelve Maya Madamji stopped working and asked, “OK, at least tell me your marks? Which paper has been held back?” I said, “Marks I don’t know and the paper withheld I don’t want to know…I am just so sad that I failed to clear.” She shouted, “Give me the roll number. Let’s see your marks and the paper withheld.” I sighed and slapped the roll number on her table. “Go. Take a look because you will not be at peace till you have seen it. That is all that you can do…!” Paying no heed to my grumbling she input my roll number in the computer. I was shouting in a fighting mode, “You like to see me fail, don’t you….?” Her computer had started processing the display of the result… Once again I was lost in thoughts of 20 years ago….!!