In a bold move that has left political analysts dizzy, former President Donald Trump has unveiled his plans to turn Gaza into the next big American tourist hotspot. Brace for a brand new Trump Hotel in Gaza by 2030.
The plan, cheekily titled “Make Gaza Glam Again,” involves annexing the territory to plant a giant Trump Hotel and Casino right in the heart of the Middle East.
Trump Hotel in Gaza
At the center of Trump’s audacious plan is the construction of a Trump Tower Gaza, a Hotel, which promises to be the tallest building in the Middle East.
The hotel will include a 1,000-room hotel, a casino featuring gold slot machines, and a Ivanka-themed spa.
The hotel will have a wellness center offering treatments like the “Executive Stress Relief,” which involves lying under a blanket of dollar bills for therapeutic reasons. Detox smoothies include ingredients like gold dust and imported Ivanka-branded water.
Golf Courses and Golden Arches
Not one to miss a branding opportunity, Trump has announced that the Gaza Strip will be home to a new golf course, described as “the most challenging in the world.”
The course will feature sand traps made from actual desert sand, and water hazards directly connected to the Mediterranean Sea.
An educational institution where the curriculum focuses on real estate, brand management, and, of course, social media mastery. The university’s mascot? A golden-haired phoenix rising from the ashes of bankruptcy.
McDonald’s has also jumped on the bandwagon, planning to open their first-ever Big Mac stand right on the Gaza beachfront. Ronald McDonald will perform weekly shows, providing much-needed comic relief to the area.
Trumpville Theme Park
Imagine a theme park where the rides are as politically charged as a Sunday morning tweet storm. Attractions include the “Wall Builder Coaster,” where riders help construct a miniature wall around the park
A Cultural Melting Pot of Fast Food
Gaza’s new American district will not only feature McDonald’s, but also host a variety of U.S. fast food chains. KFC plans to introduce a new line of falafel-flavored chicken, while Starbucks will offer a limited-edition date-flavored coffee, sourced directly from local farms.
The Trump Shopping Experience
No Trump development would be complete without a shopping experience. The proposed Trump Gaza Mall will feature a mix of luxury American brands and local artisan shops. Visitors can shop for Coach bags, Levi’s jeans, or authentic Gazan pottery, all under one roof.