Taking Control of Your Life... :-)

Guest article by Dr. Erika Duffy

You never know what to expect next... or so they say. What if I was to tell you that you have much more control of your life than you think you do? What if I was to tell you that you are what you think you are, and that just about all that occurs in your life is a projection of your own thoughts? Does this mean we are supposed to blame ourselves for everything that occurs in our l life? No... it means to take responsibility for what happens in our life so we feel more in control and realize all of our choices. Deepak Chopra says "We think we live in the world, but the world lives in us;" meaning, all of us may live in the same world, but the way we live is based on what we are taught.

A lot of times we can feel like a victim of circumstances. Yet life comes from us, not at us. Now what exactly does all this mean? Let us understand the power of the mind. We have a conscious mind, a subconscious mind, and an unconscious mind. We have different brain wave patterns: from conscious (when we are awake) to subconscious (light dream like state that communicates to us in our dreams) to unconscious mind (total deep sleep). As children, our unconscious mind houses beliefs and attitudes about life and about ourselves. These impressions we pick up from society, and people who have influenced us the most. So whatever the beliefs in our family and society at the time, become our own. From these impressions we create thoughts and feelings about ourselves and life buried in the subconscious mind. So, if the biggest impact in our life were people that did not feel very good about themselves and felt life was supposed to be tough, then, these too become our own feelings and thoughts. From these thoughts and feelings we subconsciously store we make conscious choices and decisions about what to expect and how we will live our life. The problem, therefore, is that when we desire new experiences and positive change, our subconscious can get in the way and there becomes a conflict and the subconscious wins. Hence the statement "Be careful what you wish for, you may get what you want." It may not be what we consciously want. It just may be something familiar based on feelings, events and beliefs from a long time ago.

We always tend to stay in familiar patterns because we get comfortable there. Negative patterns can repeat themselves and unfortunately very severe issues can be passed down from generation to generation. Alcoholism, abuse, and self confidence issues to name just a few. 

The biggest problem I find in my practice with my clients and when I do a seminar, is that everyone has learned to blame everything and everyone for situations they do not like in their life. People can blame work spouse, children and everything else for their life being stressful, not realizing they have the power within themselves to change their beliefs and attitudes to create a whole different life. All these thoughts remain in the subconscious and drain us of our energy. We are exhausted at the end of the day. To try to overcompensate, we learn unconscious methods of manipulation and methods to control others to make us feel better. Sometimes when other people want to better themselves, their personality can become unfamiliar to us and we no longer feel in control and blame them once again for bringing up our fear which was already there in the first place. If we fear change, then we will try to prevent others from changing as well It can become a psychological control battle and create great conflict and separation as we continue to blame everyone else for our stress and unhappiness.

Ok... well, how do we start? First, by becoming aware that life is supposed to be easier. Yes... there will be challenges, but we create a lot of stress ourselves. Take responsibility for whatever is going on in your life you do not want. Don't take it out on others. Notice and stop negative patterns by addressing the subconscious reasons why you may still be thinking and doing this. Treat others the way you would like to be treated. Have the courage to notice what you are doing to create or allow these particular things you no longer want and stop projecting it all onto someone else. Learn to go with the flow and stop trying to manipulate the world and others so you will not experience feelings you don't want to feel. Feelings need to be addressed so we can move out of them, heal, forgive ourselves and others. Stop suffering. We can possess an unconscious desire to martyr and suffer. It makes us feel sorry for ourselves and creates others to feel responsible for us. Being grateful for what you have changes yourself and creates more happiness to come into your life. As the saying goes; "There are no problems, only solutions." Smile more often and take an interest in others. It's catchy. Notice in others what you do not like in yourself and have the courage to change. We cannot change others, only ourselves. Have faith. Any fear of worry comes from being disconnected from our source. Having faith reconnects us.

Have you ever noticed that when you feel down the day just gets worse? I like to say "the Universe provides a match." Watching yourself and having the courage to change instead of focusing on others makes us take responsibility for our own life and puts a stop to negative patterns that keep us disconnected from our happiness and source (faith). 

Don't take my word for it. Try it for yourself. You will feel happier; and therefore the Universe will provide a match. Like attracts like. Most of all you will be stopping patterns from being passed down to the next generation. "Don't let the past dictate who you are, but let it be a part of who you become."