some one liners on life

Once we had Clinton, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have Bush, no Cash and no Hope.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"
Learn from your parents' mistakes; use birth control.
Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.
"My cousin is gay; in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies." ~ Rodney Dangerfield
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone!
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Where there’s a will, there are five hundred relatives.
I like work..It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing.