Adam was sitting in his room, lost in thought, deeply worried and was showing all signs of a person facing the biggest crisis of his life. He had lost all interest in his studies, could hardly concentrate, felt that his favourite foods were tasteless and had no motivation to do anything but slouch. He had lost 10 pounds, stopped bathing, hardly slept for 2 hours at a stretch and looked 10 years older than he really was. He was sure that no one faced such a deep crisis in their teens and felt that the entire world was out to get him, yeah the entire world except for his friend Bryan. The thought of Bryan bought a smile to his face and he suddenly remembered that Bryan was coming over to his house in an hour. Bryan was the most popular kid in school and in addition to being the best in anything he took up, he excelled in charming everyone. All girls were tongue tied in front of him and while he did not have a girlfriend, each girl thought that she had a special relationship with him. Adam was encouraged and felt that Bryan would be the only person who would understand him and help him tide through this crisis.
He heard the doorbell and immediately heard his entire family excited and animated. His little sister’s squeaky voice was especially loud. Surely that must be Bryan. Like other girls in his school, his sister had a crush on Bryan too. After exchanging pleasantries and making everyone feel that he had come just to visit them, Bryan bounded up the stairs and knocked Adam’s door. “Gosh,” Bryan said. “You look fantastic; do you have a date tonight?” Bryan was the only one who could be light hearted in Adam’s current state. Adam’s entire family was very worried and real scared to talk to him. They secretly hoped that Bryan could knock some good sense into him. Bryan on the other hand, acted as if nothing had happened and immediately put Adam at ease. Bryan probed – “why this new look?”
With a sigh that conveyed that the weight of the world was on his shoulders, Adam confessed. He said he was troubled deeply by his current situation, could neither eat nor sleep, his whole life seemed to be a blur and he found no joy in anything. He struggled to find words explain his crisis to Bryan and finally blurted out – “I have need to kill my relatives” and with a long pause added “... on Facebook”. Ever since Adam started dating Jessica he felt his life has been a mess. While he felt that she was fantastic and the best thing that had happened to him, her online personality has been real troublesome. First, she nagged him to change his Facebook relationship status. Within seconds of doing so, his extended family pounced on him and started questioning him. An uncle who an ex-Marine put him through a lie detector test and an aunt in Florida was particularly peeved as she felt that he should be hooking up with her friend’s daughter instead of Jess. Moreover, whenever he and Jess go on a date she posts a status update and a photo of them looking silly together. Three weeks back, he had to sit in one of the photo booths in the local mall looking clowny in four different ways and within seconds his entire extended family saw it on Facebook. “YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO JOIN US FOR DINNER” his mom commented on the post, all in caps. And when Jess replied with a “lol”, not only his mom was pissed with him for missing dinner but was convinced that Jess was the wrong girl for laughing out loud. He kept recounting similar horror stories that had become the bane of his existence and finally said “I see no solution other than cutting off all my relatives … from Facebook.” The very thought made him shudder and he could not bear the idea of being cut off from his uncles, parents, teachers and cousins who have meant everything to him. Surely this must be the biggest crisis that anyone has faced. With that, Adam started weeping, inconsolably. It was as if a dam broke and all the bottled up problems came to the surface.
Bryan with a loving smile on his face put his hand on Adam’s shoulder and said “hey dude just chill”. Your online profile is not the real you, Brian exclaimed. Similarly he continued — your uncles, aunts and teachers are much more than this imagined entity. While they have photos, videos, posts, comments, birthdays, events and likes the “real” them is something much deeper, something that cannot be expressed in words. The key to real happiness Bryan said, with a twinkle in his eye, is to first find the real you and then when you do that you can connect with the reality in anyone. Bryan also said that the real Adam was always there, before the online identity existed and will continue to be there when this imagined identity ceases to be. The moment you see the truth of this, lightness will descend and you will easily deal with these imagined entities. You will be objective about blocking or ‘unfriending’ your extended family and will feel immense love for all because for the first time you will meet and connect with the reality. Being in love and making others see this reality will give you so much joy that that will become the sole purpose and sole driver of your life.
“Is it really that simple and obvious” Adam asked. To which Bryan burst out laughing and said, “Yes my dearest friend it really is.” It is hard to do things to sustain our artificial identity, but it is super easy is to just be our real selves. Adam felt the weight of the world lifted from his shoulders was overwhelmed with gratitude and love for Bryan and said – “Hey can I call you master, it will mean a lot to me.” Bryan laughed again and said “Sure but realize that there is no difference between the real you and the real me, but that is for a different day”. They both laughed and bounded down the stairs drawn by the smell of fresh pancakes from the kitchen.
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