My friend has a fine watch dog.
At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.
They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"
"Please wait someone else is using it."
When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
"Where did you get those big eyes?"
"They came with the face."
"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."
"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."
A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.
"I couldn't lift the table."
"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
"You're lucky. My wife does."
We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.
"What do use for washing dishes?"
"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best."
"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"
"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"
"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."
There are two kinds of secrets : one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.
My wife is always talking about a trip to Europe.
I have no objections - I let her talk.
There's one thing good about being poor - its inexpensive.
Summer must be over. My neighbour just returned my lawn furniture
Memory is what tells a man his wedding anniversary was yesterday.
An unmarried man has no buttons on his shirt. A married man has no shirt.
"I want some current literature." "Here are some books on electric. lightning."
There are two kinds of friends : those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two!
Every man/woman should marry - After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
The wise never marry - And when they marry they become otherwise.
Success is a relative term - It brings so many relatives!
Never put off the work until tomorrow - what you can put off today!
Your future depends on your dreams - So go to sleep!
There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.
Hard work never killed anybody - But why take the risk!
God made relatives - Thank God we can choose our friends!
82.6% of statistics are wrong...
98% of the time I am right. Why worry about the other 3%
If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll do it for you.
If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good
Illiterate?... Write for FREE HELP!
The more you say, the less people remember.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
My Wife Says I Never Listen, Or Something Like That...
Never hit a man with glasses... Use your fist!
Never put off till tomorrow what you can ignore entirely
Oh yea? If you're so smart, why don't I understand.
Time is the best teacher, but it kills all its students.
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
When I was born they fired a 21-gun salute.
Too bad they missed.
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No one has ever complained of a parachute not opening.
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Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free
Trip around the Sun.
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Love is photogenic;
it needs darkness to develop
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A Policeman catches a guy who was crossing the street at a wrong place
and shouts Why are you crossing here? Cant you see a zebra
crossing there ?
The guy replies Let the zebra cross. What can I do
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Do you know of a fellow who parked his car in front of
board which said FINE FOR PARKING
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A drunk was hauled into court. Mister, the judge began, you've been
brought here for drinking.
Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started?
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Can you do anything that other people can't?
Sure, I can read my handwriting.
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Whom are you working for?
Same people. My wife and four kids.
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I heard you have a cat that can say her own name.
Yes. Meow.
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When a wife was asked: What book do you like the best?
She answers: My husband's cheque book.
CAclubindia
