eNjoy !!

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "Don't try
these techniques at home."
"Why not?" asked somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She
made lots of trips between the fridge, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying
a single item at a time. One day I told her, "You're wasting too much time. Why
don't you try carrying several things at once?"
"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.
"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make
breakfast. Now I do it in ten."
 
 
 
 
 
A consultant is ...
  someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
  a man who knows 99 ways to make love, but doesn't know any women.
  someone who is called in at the last moment and paid enormous amounts of money   to assign the blame.
 
 
 
Employer to applicant: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."
Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went
wrong, they said I was responsible."
 
 
 
HR Manager to job candidate: "I see you've had no computer training. Although
that qualifies you for upper management, it means you're under-qualified for our
entry level positions."
 
 
 
Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel manager's office.
"What is the meaning of this?" the manager asked. "When you applied for the job,
you told us you had 5 years' experience. Now we discover this is the first job you've ever had."
"Well," the young man said, "in your ad you said you wanted somebody with imagination."
 
 
 
A Manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing a potential employee's
application and notices that the man has never worked in retail before. He says
to the man, "For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high
wage."
"Well Sir," the applicant replies, "the work is so much harder when you don't
know what you're doing!"
 
 
 
A business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating
the following:
      HELP WANTED
      Must be able to type, have computer skills, and be
      bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.
 
A dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the
receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and
whined a bit.
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager
looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked
determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on a chair
and stared at the manager. The manager said "I can't hire you. The sign says you
have to be able to type."
The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect
letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him,
then jumped back up on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the
dog, "The sign also says you have to be good with a computer."
The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter
and execute a perfect spreadsheet that worked flawlessly the first time.
By this time, the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and
said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting
abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."
The dog jumped down and went over to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the
sentence about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.
The manager said "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual."
The dog looked at that manager calmly and said, "Meow."