Ca....

This would be my 7th attempt for CA IPCC/ converted from CA - PCC. (5 attempts of PCC 1 dumped, 1 of IPCC.) I don't know where I go wrong. I study for nearly 12-15 hrs during exam peak, (2 to 3 months) from morning 6 am to night 10 pm. I am getting frustrated and losing hope in myself. I have to work so cannot study like others for continuously 5 and 6 months, and even my concepts are very clear of all practical subjects. I scored in 50's in subjects like Law, taxation  and Audit during my 1st 3 attempts, but failed in Costing and FM and Accounts as I never studied FM was totally dependant on Costing as I never was able to do FM clases, so I attempted crash courses and cleared my concepts......but still did never could complete Theory of practical subjects. I guess my overall planning was wrong. Even clearing concepts haven't helped me.  Now in IPCC I literally failed with vast difference, I quit all my friends since last 2 attempts just to concentrate on my studies completely. I have even changed my cell no. to stay aloof from all. I was so frustrated that even small things started scaring me., and I started bothering every one. I knew that was not right, but then somehow I decided this is my exam and only studies can help me..... So I did study extremely hard, all of my best..... Still what I received was totally unexpected, I failed with a margin of 50's in each group this time. Its a shock for me. How this happened I am still confused? I was expecting good result but at least "pass" would have made me comfort. I have completed my articleship and almost 1 year of work experience after articleship and 2 years before starting CA in CA firm, that makes around 6+ years of experience .This time I am too scared to even start my studies..... So I have joined Test Series, at least this would help me to understand my failure. But even the thought of going for test series scares me.

Whatever happens I am not going to quit CA. I have lost my almost 6 to 7 years in this field. These are really scary moments of my life. I have lost almost everything in life for this exam, even my parents hopes have fettered in me, and now am loosing myself too.....

I don't want to be a frustrated CA......... The way I am heading looks scary to me....... but I am happy because I have to be,....

I wish I somehow find the way out of this CA tunnel, because I have closed the back door..........