Dear Recruiters,
I have sent you resumes many a times but you are not taking any cognizance
. I tried my best to portray a positive image of myself but all in vain. I do not know what you are looking for, may be a person smarter than super computer,but the salary that you are offering, you don't deserve even a calculator. Do you even know The resumes that you have rejected costs me Rs. 2500, which, as per Naukri.com was prepared by some expert. But now The Resume which I am sending you is prepared by "A MAESTRO: WHICH IS ME" and it cost me more than half an hour of my life.
The other side of a Chartered Accountant Address: BLA Bla BLA
Phone #: 973########2
Synopsis: A fresh Chartered Accountant who has spent a good part of his life Studying, Trolling, Bullying and working for blood sucking Chartered Accounting firms. Experienced in working in world's worst working condition with penny wages for a Baldy with oily skin, big eyes, and who snores during lunch time and farts when you are in his cabin. Proven track record of gaining but not sharing knowledge (as my seniors do in their articleship period) among juniors, and staying informed of currently developed conspiracy and gossips in the office.
ORGANIZATIONAL EXPERIENCE
CA XYZ & Ass-ociates – Assurance and Advisory
Tenure –March 2006 to September 2011
Key roles and responsibilities
§ Assurance : Assuraning that I live a good, tension free, cozy, snug, comfortable and happy life for three and half years of articleship and Advisory:advsing the juniors to work hard..
§ Follower of old school of management that " Management means getting the work done through others". Performance History of geting the credit irrespective of who has done the work
§ Credentials of proving that "unlimited internet surfing pack" is not actually unlimited and Internet service provider charge a hefty amount to a CA office after 30GB of download in a month
§ Giving intelligent feedback after office meetings, like, there were 8 tubelights, 15 chairs, 92 ceiling tiles and one fool who was paying attention.
§ Demosntrated capabilities of finishing the work within tight deadlines during audit busy season especially if not finshing within schedule would mean " you are not geeting sundays off"
,
Achievements, Awards and Recognition:
A) Two times suspended from school, reason I being caught only two times.
1) First time I was caught under Arms and Ammunition act (no pun intended) for illegally carrying Fireworks to my school. Acting on a tip-off, school Principal deployed, class monitor, to search my bag. Hair-gel, A mirror, Perfumes of two different fragrance, a lunch box and huge amount of fireworks were seized . No books were recovered from my bag.
2) Second time I was caught, when I was writing at school wall " Don ko pakadna mushkil hi nai namumkin hai" and a school teacher caught me red handedly.
B) Awards and Recognition:
1) "Security deposit" were seized by school authorities, seeing the vandalism history.
2) No farewell were given to me and my batch in college, which we later declared as " The college don't want to bid us farewell, they love us so much"
3) Writer of "LAZY way to SUCCESS" and "Teamwork means getting work done in my way"
4) Caught only once while downloading DOGA comics in pdf during office hours.
Professional Overview :
|
Year |
Level |
Percentage |
|
2012 |
CA Final |
59.25 |
|
2009 |
PCC |
55.83 |
|
2006 |
CPT |
77.5 |
Personal Vitae Date of Birth: 25th December 1989
Languages: English, Hindi, @ %^#$&(
Hobbies: Music (only during meetings), Movies (When sent for Internal Audit), Drawing (Only cartoons sketches of collegues and professors), Blogging and Books(Fashion magazines and Bollywood Masala)
The other side of a Chartered Accountant
CAclubindia
