If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.
- Chinese Proverb.
Anger is the best defense mechanism – only if you use it wisely, otherwise it may be suicidal to you and bad for others. I suggest Six (6) steps to make it positive and constructive.
1. Contexts of Anger
Destructive: when expectations, desires, or passions are left incomplete then this evil takes place.
Constructive: when injustice occurs to you or others – anger raised in this situation often leads to justice.
To recognize the context of anger is very important, it is seen when destructive anger comes – a person doesn’t listen to anybody, and all the preaching become useless to that person and s/he creates chaos everywhere. On the other hand constructive anger gives positive force to stand against injustice, increases self worth and morale.
2. Don’t point but just express
When you feel angry, don’t point or blame anyone even yourself also, but just express what are you feeling about, because pointing or blaming someone causes a series of reactions and may hold a war for future also. And when you just express your feelings & emotions of anger, it will provoke others to give you the solution – even if they know they are the real culprit.
You can express your feelings like: you are feeling uncomfortable, your body is burning, you are not fine at all, this situation may produce such and such problems etc., and you can show a series of non-verbal expressions that you are not all right.
3. Be controlled and stick to the main issue
What happens in most cases when we get angry we keep on rooting out the old or related issues of anger and the real evil starts – one issue is not solved and other issues are being added up to it, and then fight and war…and future consequences. And the main issue is just left unresolved. So the better is that just stick to the main issue of the anger and try to make it resolved.
4. Acknowledge reactions and responses
After expressing your feelings just check out the verbal and non verbal reactions or responses you get. Reaction happens at random without much thought or consideration, like an automatic process. And, response is thoughtful and conscious reply to your action.
5. Talk about alternate solutions
Neglect reactions and value to responses. If you don’t get response wait for it to come – because solutions will come out only from the responses not from the reactions. And just talk about alternate solution to those people who give you the responses – because they are sensitive and conscious to the cause of your anger. Once you get the conscious people (who response) you can discuss with them now, the whole story of your anger. Discuss all the pros & cons, and all the alternate solutions, and quickly come to the mutually satisfying conclusion.
6. Give a broad smile and end up with a joke
When the anger is expressed and resolved, now have a cup of tea or coffee with those people, share some jokes and explode in laughter. Smile and laughing is every necessary with those people, who acknowledged your expression of anger; this activity will help to make their mood jovial
By :- Sandeep Gupta
CAclubindia
