Life can become very hard and everything can fall flat. There are times when you realize that nothing is in your control and you continue to question "Why me?"
Things went so bad for me too that I went into depression.
It all started with my breakup. I was in the relationship for 5 years and was very much committed. I was in her struggles when she was failing in CA finals, but as soon as she became CA and got a new circle of friends I was sidelined. Eventually, she ended the relationship by saying "I don't feel for you now like I used to feel for you earlier". I kept on asking my mistake, but I wasn't told anything.
I was overcoming this shock when one of my advocate friends who used to call me brother and used to thank me for helping in establishing his practice and we knew each other's clients as I used to take care of finance part, entered into a partnership with some other CA and took away a major chunk of my work.
I started crying day in and day out. The practice which I had built with so much effort was crumbling down, people whom I had trusted and were loyal to were leaving me for no reason. I wept in front of my employees, my clients, my family. I stopped working. I started pleading to the girl to give me one chance. I would wake up the whole night crying and waiting for her message. I didn't get any reply. I realized how stone-hearted person can become who was promising you all the dreams of being together. My employees left me. I was left at my own mercy. I stopped studying and making notes which I used to make and share on social networking sites.
One day my family and I decided that enough is enough and went for help. We chose govt hospital for it. The doctor over there had a three-hour therapy session with me initially and I was told that my IQ was 120+ which is above average, but my EQ was negligible. She told me that get ready for a long battle with myself. I was given anti-depressants to make me fall asleep as I barely could sleep during that time. I was suicidal. She said one line which still rings in my ears that "only you can help yourself come out of it. I can only help you if you are willing to help yourself".
First time I realized the importance of mental health. I have been a fighter all my life having cleared CA after taking a break from the job, but this is the toughest battle that I have been facing right now because the enemy is within me. I still managed to clear DISA with this mindset.
It took me around 2.5 months to come out of it somehow. I was told the tricks to deal with depression and grief. I started writing articles about mental health.
During this phase, I lost a huge chunk of my work and I am starting again from scratch but with a new mindset.
I realized that how much you may be loyal or honest to a person, how many promises they make, but nothing won't be forever. Loyalty is a very expensive gift and you can't expect it from cheap people. The only well-wishers are your parents and siblings.
I don't trust anyone anymore. It's kind of rebirth for me. I realized you don't need a partner to be happy. It's better to be alone than being with the wrong person who can change colors like anything.
Dear friends, depression can happen to anyone at anytime. A person who seems fine from the outside might be fighting a big battle inside and there's nothing wrong or to be ashamed of in taking the help of a psychiatrist or counselor. They are professionals in their field and know how to deal with such situations.
Take mental health very seriously. Earning money is important, but the most important thing is mental well-being.
Take time for yourself. Understand yourself. Don't be ashamed to share your mental situation with people around you. Stay away from toxic people. If someone wants to go away from your life then let them go. Your self-respect is important. Your family considers you their hero and live like that only. Work on yourself. Only you can make or destroy yourself.
Don't trust anyone beyond a certain line. Don't let people take you for granted. It's fine to fail in an exam or relationship, but you have to overcome it.
Don't take life seriously, it will end anyhow.
CAclubindia
