Hello friends, I am going to share my some of the feelings with you people hope many of you must have also had this bitter experience in your life.
I was a meritorious student of my school, my teachers and classmates used to appraise me a lot. They used to say I have a bright future and I too believed that. But destiny has brought me at that stage where my other classmates are settled somewhere properly except me. They all are doing nice jobs and earning handsome money .But where I am. Still in training though will be completing in 1-2 months but what it will give me. Nothing.
This is my last attempt of PCC and I am scared to much. Though I have got exemption in Law this time but it will be fruitful only if I do secure good marks this time. But it’s very hard to face the people during this period their reactions do change with our results. Is our relations are good only when you are successful and they will support you when you are succeeding otherwise they react in very awkward way. They say “kiya kya 3 saal se ek hi cheez padh rahi ho pass kyu nhi hoti tum” but how should I tell them I don’t fail intentionally I also want to succeed. I am not getting pleasure in failing and again reading the same books again and again. My friends are giving final this time but still I am going to appear for PCC once again. How bad it is? There is to much pressure on me and students like me want to pass the exams with good marks. My confidence has gone to low level and sometimes I feel to helpless that even I can’t help myself. But I have to because it’s only me who can understand myself better than others and work in positive way. As at any cost I have to clear this time. People reactions has changed drastically towards me they don’t trust me they think that I am incapable of doing any thing nicely and I will spoil it as my results.
Truly speaking, I want to get rid of all these things and want to live my life fully leaving all fears behind. Because many times I am unable to enjoy the things sometimes because of my office and sometimes due to exams.
My image in my eyes is going down that after so much of time why I am unable to clear my exams they are not to tough and it’s also not there that I have not worked hard. I do but fate is not with me, what I can do then.
Loosing my strength and feeling to depressed as my family members are also getting rude towards me, too rude. I am unable to overcome their rudeness this time. I do understand my responsibilities this time and ever and will give them good results to. But I need their trust which is not so at this time. In other words, I have got a ultimatum from them for results.
Please if any one could help me this time my morale is going down too much.
As far as my own view is concerned I think that I can only be my strength and can help myself. I have to overcome this depressed situation at any cost somehow and have to fight for my existence. To win the trust that I have lost due to failures.
CAclubindia
